Past vs. Present
You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
thursday
night
everything's
fine
You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
Swallowing The Bitterness...slowly
About The Unknown Creature
Hello, I'm an alien living in Planet X, had my 1st cry on 310790, and my name is Nuh-roll.
Be afraid, be very very afraid. I'm going to eat everyone and invade the Planet Earth.
Yes, you can start crying now.*evil laugh*
Friday, December 18, 2009
Dear Life - A Silent Love
[ 1:19 AM ]
It all started when she re-activate that acct... while she was down. Terribly down over someone who used to be a part of her life... And she thought, that somehow changed her life lyk totally..
She dated a boy.
He was an average kind of boy who likes to tease her, who creates real jokes, who managed to bring her smile back, who managed to bring her out of the world of sadness and really understands her esp when she was down. She doesnt really share with him all her secrets. Merely, sharing stories abt how she ended up being single.
He was very quiet, he would just listen to what she had to say. She found him easy to talk to and she could talk to him about everything. He just comforted her and said everything would be okay. He gave her words of encouragement and helped her get over 'Him'. They chatted, they smsed, they talked... and finally.. the very 1st date! :)
That first meeting was a total blast. He's nice. Awesomely nice. he's the kinda laidback person. take a chill pill u know. she lyks it! They spent a few hours talking & talking lyk non-stop. They totally had fun. She could see deep in his eyes, he's happy being with her. BUT, yeaa.. there's always a but. he doesnt seem to really give his full attention towards her. she thought, he sees his ex gf in her. and so, she was brave enuf to let him reveal his love story. He went thru almost the same kinda Journey of Love as her. he just broke up with his ex gf. at that point of time, they've not been together for lyk err less than a mth? oh, they've been together for quite some time alrdy, errr, 7-8 yrs? yeaaa. tat long.
and so she asked, ' do u still hv feelings for her? ' and he said, 'nahh.. not really. wait. actually im not sure myself. i started to love her since way back when i was in sec sch. i was the one who proposed the idea of breaking up cause i couldnt stand with her attitude. She's acting lyk a small kid who likes to sulk all day long. and, the worst part, she has bad temper. i hate it so much!! ..'
she continued... 'but what if she wants you back... i mean, ppl change u see. furthermore u said, u loved her. i bet u do still...'
he replied ' yeaa. i cant deny. i still do. but, i guess we are just not meant to be.'
she continued... 'hey, come on.. dont say that. i think i knw wats shes feeling ryte now. I know the overwhelming amount of pain and sadness she's going through right now. Heartache is a devastating experience. ive been in her place before. it was soo darn horrible, terrible everything that is associated with that. going thru a break up is darrnnn sucky u knw. Mine was worst! he left me with no explanations. the 'best' part, i didnt knw wat ive done till he made that kinda decision.. please. think over it again..'
he replied... 'no. i dont even wanna think abt it. if, let say, we are fated, then, i wld want her to come 'clean' to me. ive had enuf. me and her.. we can no longer understand each other! it takes 2 hands to clap u knw...to me, u are special. '
she continued....' errr, so, are u trying to say we can clap our hands together?'
he replied... 'yeaa! sure! (giving out his left palm) come! high 5!
she refused to do so and just smiled instead.
he also said that he would wanna know her more. hopefully more than a friend. he really wanna get over his past life and move on..
That night she went home with all kinds of feelings stucked in her. She was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But she knew that there was something else about him that she liked. She thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that she was feeling. But somehow, she knew deep inside that she really felt sth different. All she does was to keep those feelings to herself. She wanted to tell him so bad abt wat she really felt towards him but she was too scared and frightened. She'd had enuf of getting hurt by ppl of his species. She'd enuff tearing over them. She felt that she wanna be free from love. And... there's also sth held her back from letting her feelings out. She realised that she should nope infact MUST do sth to not get involve in ppl's rlsp. That guy still do hv feelings for his ex. gf. he simply cant get over his ex gf. she could feel it. she could see it. being a human being, not being selfish, she made a decision. yes! a final brave decision. She let her feelings go and told herself that someday she would simply get what she wants. yes, someday. no rush!
Well unfortunately, the 1st date only lasted for a little while though.
She tried to create a 'barrier' between them. Their 'friendship' begin to drift apart. Ignored his sms-es. ignored his emails and so on.. no matter how bad she actually missed him, no matter how bad she actually wanted to hear his voice, no matter how bad she actually wanted to see him, spending time talking non-stop... she knew she's doing the right thing.
and soon... yeaa pretty soon after that... she finally got to know that he's back with his ex gf. Deep down her heart she knew she's done her part being a human. A real Human.
She dated a boy.
He was an average kind of boy who likes to tease her, who creates real jokes, who managed to bring her smile back, who managed to bring her out of the world of sadness and really understands her esp when she was down. She doesnt really share with him all her secrets. Merely, sharing stories abt how she ended up being single.
Replaying movies in her head of how things used to be (smelling 'His' scent, holding her in his arms, seeing his smile) only to wake up in an empty bed ALONE and LOST...
Getting through the dark days took so much effort... She would have to FORCE herself to roll out of bed every morning.
Constantly checking her phone and email to see if 'he' called or left a message... Maaann she hated her phone at times... it's NEVER shy to let her know she has 0 missed calls.
Instead of referring to a psychiatrist, her therapists were McDonald's.... KFC... and any another junk food that could temporarily take away the pain she was feeling.
The things in life she used to enjoy didn't seem to have meaning anymore.
NON-STOP thinking of her ex... It's like 'he' secretly hijacked her head or something... Constantly rehearsing what she could have said, what she will say if she were to see him again, and analyzing why he really left her.
Enormous feelings of depression.
AND.... the mere thought of her ex being PHYSICALLY INTIMATE with another person was enough to make her sick.
Getting through the dark days took so much effort... She would have to FORCE herself to roll out of bed every morning.
Constantly checking her phone and email to see if 'he' called or left a message... Maaann she hated her phone at times... it's NEVER shy to let her know she has 0 missed calls.
Instead of referring to a psychiatrist, her therapists were McDonald's.... KFC... and any another junk food that could temporarily take away the pain she was feeling.
The things in life she used to enjoy didn't seem to have meaning anymore.
NON-STOP thinking of her ex... It's like 'he' secretly hijacked her head or something... Constantly rehearsing what she could have said, what she will say if she were to see him again, and analyzing why he really left her.
Enormous feelings of depression.
AND.... the mere thought of her ex being PHYSICALLY INTIMATE with another person was enough to make her sick.
He was very quiet, he would just listen to what she had to say. She found him easy to talk to and she could talk to him about everything. He just comforted her and said everything would be okay. He gave her words of encouragement and helped her get over 'Him'. They chatted, they smsed, they talked... and finally.. the very 1st date! :)
That first meeting was a total blast. He's nice. Awesomely nice. he's the kinda laidback person. take a chill pill u know. she lyks it! They spent a few hours talking & talking lyk non-stop. They totally had fun. She could see deep in his eyes, he's happy being with her. BUT, yeaa.. there's always a but. he doesnt seem to really give his full attention towards her. she thought, he sees his ex gf in her. and so, she was brave enuf to let him reveal his love story. He went thru almost the same kinda Journey of Love as her. he just broke up with his ex gf. at that point of time, they've not been together for lyk err less than a mth? oh, they've been together for quite some time alrdy, errr, 7-8 yrs? yeaaa. tat long.
and so she asked, ' do u still hv feelings for her? ' and he said, 'nahh.. not really. wait. actually im not sure myself. i started to love her since way back when i was in sec sch. i was the one who proposed the idea of breaking up cause i couldnt stand with her attitude. She's acting lyk a small kid who likes to sulk all day long. and, the worst part, she has bad temper. i hate it so much!! ..'
she continued... 'but what if she wants you back... i mean, ppl change u see. furthermore u said, u loved her. i bet u do still...'
he replied ' yeaa. i cant deny. i still do. but, i guess we are just not meant to be.'
she continued... 'hey, come on.. dont say that. i think i knw wats shes feeling ryte now. I know the overwhelming amount of pain and sadness she's going through right now. Heartache is a devastating experience. ive been in her place before. it was soo darn horrible, terrible everything that is associated with that. going thru a break up is darrnnn sucky u knw. Mine was worst! he left me with no explanations. the 'best' part, i didnt knw wat ive done till he made that kinda decision.. please. think over it again..'
he replied... 'no. i dont even wanna think abt it. if, let say, we are fated, then, i wld want her to come 'clean' to me. ive had enuf. me and her.. we can no longer understand each other! it takes 2 hands to clap u knw...to me, u are special. '
she continued....' errr, so, are u trying to say we can clap our hands together?'
he replied... 'yeaa! sure! (giving out his left palm) come! high 5!
she refused to do so and just smiled instead.
he also said that he would wanna know her more. hopefully more than a friend. he really wanna get over his past life and move on..
That night she went home with all kinds of feelings stucked in her. She was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But she knew that there was something else about him that she liked. She thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that she was feeling. But somehow, she knew deep inside that she really felt sth different. All she does was to keep those feelings to herself. She wanted to tell him so bad abt wat she really felt towards him but she was too scared and frightened. She'd had enuf of getting hurt by ppl of his species. She'd enuff tearing over them. She felt that she wanna be free from love. And... there's also sth held her back from letting her feelings out. She realised that she should nope infact MUST do sth to not get involve in ppl's rlsp. That guy still do hv feelings for his ex. gf. he simply cant get over his ex gf. she could feel it. she could see it. being a human being, not being selfish, she made a decision. yes! a final brave decision. She let her feelings go and told herself that someday she would simply get what she wants. yes, someday. no rush!
Well unfortunately, the 1st date only lasted for a little while though.
She tried to create a 'barrier' between them. Their 'friendship' begin to drift apart. Ignored his sms-es. ignored his emails and so on.. no matter how bad she actually missed him, no matter how bad she actually wanted to hear his voice, no matter how bad she actually wanted to see him, spending time talking non-stop... she knew she's doing the right thing.
and soon... yeaa pretty soon after that... she finally got to know that he's back with his ex gf. Deep down her heart she knew she's done her part being a human. A real Human.
and the girl was me.
this is the truth. well, this is it.
I mean, u know the fact that u still love each other, missing each other, still cant get over each other.. each times u see things, it'd remind u of ur exs'. well, i know how it feels lyk exactly! been thru it many times. i simply know how it feels lyk when u know there's someone out there trying their really best to destroy ur rlsp. i dont wish to be 1 of them. id rather save the rlsp. can u imagine, in just 1 particular rlsp that i used to hav, there's sooo many out there who tried to destroy mine... but i guess... i lose in the last battle. im just way too tired to fight for it. Sometimes in life, its okay to give in. Good things come to ppl who PATIENTLY wait, rmbr? yeaa.. i believe.. strongly believe someday i would simply get what i want. yes, someday. no rush!
okay. enuff of all those bitter sweet memories.
leaving all those behind. stepping into a new future. :)
and oh. a fren said this to me.
I look so good without you, Lookin' fresh and brand new.
well, its a brand new year! before i forgot.
Salam Awal Muharram to all Muslims!
take note ehh ppl 9 Muharram ehhh..
im soo gonna be Twen-teen! lol:)
p/s : to you ... im sorry. yes. i did all that with a purpose.
on another note, may u hav all the happiness with her. :)
im happy for you dear friend.
I mean, u know the fact that u still love each other, missing each other, still cant get over each other.. each times u see things, it'd remind u of ur exs'. well, i know how it feels lyk exactly! been thru it many times. i simply know how it feels lyk when u know there's someone out there trying their really best to destroy ur rlsp. i dont wish to be 1 of them. id rather save the rlsp. can u imagine, in just 1 particular rlsp that i used to hav, there's sooo many out there who tried to destroy mine... but i guess... i lose in the last battle. im just way too tired to fight for it. Sometimes in life, its okay to give in. Good things come to ppl who PATIENTLY wait, rmbr? yeaa.. i believe.. strongly believe someday i would simply get what i want. yes, someday. no rush!
okay. enuff of all those bitter sweet memories.
leaving all those behind. stepping into a new future. :)
and oh. a fren said this to me.
I look so good without you, Lookin' fresh and brand new.
well, its a brand new year! before i forgot.
Salam Awal Muharram to all Muslims!
take note ehh ppl 9 Muharram ehhh..
im soo gonna be Twen-teen! lol:)
p/s : to you ... im sorry. yes. i did all that with a purpose.
on another note, may u hav all the happiness with her. :)
im happy for you dear friend.
Labels: the hardest yet the easiest
Let The Tears Flow