When it was Good
[ 1:18 PM ]
I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand. So now I leave without a sound, except that of my heart shattering. A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty.
What do you live for when all you were living for is gone?
Kan best kalau hidop ni mcm kat crite Korea ke crite Hindustan ke. Ok la starting happy2, pastu nangis..tapi ending mesti happy balek! Sayangkan, tu smue fantasy jer. Anw, ive been wanting to blog but im kinda umm my lazy? lol.
As for now, i really dont knw where to start. Yang aku tau skrg, aku tgh lost. Seriously lost in confusion!
Dulu, aku ingat im the Happiest girl in the whole wide world. Dulu, aku ingat aku takkan go thru any of these shits AGAIN (note the CAPS!) . Dulu, aku ingat ive made the right choice. Dulu, aku ingat He's the one. Dulu, aku ingat He's the reason of my Happiness. Dulu, aku ingat aku will change my perception towards guys. Tapi...
Sekarang, mcm tgh slowly changing jer. Entahlah, im still unsure. Is this a sign or what?
Everything happened like so fast..out of sudden. He kept mum. Silence. Aku pon heran. Its friggin weird tau. And so i asked. I went shocked, like seriously shocked when he said this..
According to him, he's clapping with one hand. Sape2 yg bengz tu, tk pham, meh aku explain. Die ckp all this while die ingat aku ni mcm so called tk anticipate in this rlsp! Boleh gitu? Then, all these while, ive been entertaining to all his needs to smue ape eh? Pelik. pelik..
So, okayla, aku pon feeling2 'gentleman' konon2 nak pujok ah. Tapi, sad ah, aku rase aku dah terlambat. He's alrdy badly hurt by the time I so called come to the rescue! He was damn 'cold' towards me. Wait! In the very 1st place, Salah aku ke?
Just because all these while, he's the one who's been iniating this & that, not ME making the 1st move, itu jer..? Salah aku ke?
Is it wrong if I want to take things slow?
Is it wrong if I dont want to rush things? (eh, mcm same jer - mepek nye aku!)
Is it wrong if I want to be diff from any other couple?
Is it wrong if I want EVERYthing to go smoothly?
Is it wrong if I want EVERRYthing to go with flow??
Sekarang, sape nak gi jwb ni smue? tssk! Chill la bang, kite maseh 'new' sey. Still Fresh per. Why rush? Ok la, yg dh tak sabar tu, confirm krg tgh perah otak kenape eh si nad ni nak take things slow, padehal its been half a yr alrdy.. yadda yadda yadda. Okay look, i bet u all knw wat happened ..tsskk..alaa rlsp aku yg dulu tu. Tons of obstacles. Tons of arguments. Tons of fights. Ade jer flaws. Ive learnt like farking alot! Aku tknk banana fruit two times. Tkya la eh aku elaborate panjang2 psl crite lame, nanti ade jer yg tk happy. Yeaa.. anw, the thing is, Im taking a chill pill now so dont rush me. I thought we've talked abt this sey Al. opps! Did i just mention his name? haha! Purposely btw. :)
And krg nak tau. Exactly last yr, on this very week.. aku tgh having a bad term dgn si .. tssk dektu tu laa. Tgh time2 aku nk start yr 3.. issh! Stress otak aku that time! Yg pelik tu, this yr, same thing happened.. the same timing, same problem, same o same but DIFFERENT person! Aku ni pembawak sial per sial? Kan mak marah ni.. issh! *mengucap dua kalimah syahadah*
Someone told me, 'eh, kenape eh kau tknk go all out in this rlsp? Im sry to say this ah, dulu bile kau dgn si die tu, u're willing to do anything. No. In fact everything siak just to make it up back! I thought u r the firm kinda person. Ape yg kau nak, kau die2 nak. Beh skrg, ape lagi? Talk things out ahh..'
Ahh.. yer ckp memang senang. Yg hv to face everything tu aku. Well, tu Nadia yg dulu. Fanatic in Love! hahaha. Now, gua dah cuci tangan babe! Gua mau rilek ah! (eh, ape ni aku mrepek?) Ok la, personally, im tired! Tired going after or the right word is CHASING after guys! Keje paling bodoh utk perempuan! Waste time, waste energy, waste airmate, waste ape lagi eh? mcm2 ah. Ade byk lagi bende lain aku blh buat, why waste all these things? Cepat agree adgn aku!!
Ade tu ckp, 'Kau ni btol2 serious ke dgn die? Bile die dh ckp die tepok sebelah tangan tu, abeh kau tak tau nk blg die ah yg kononnyer he's not alone? Die tu tk syiok sendiri. Kau pon hv the same feelings towards him..ni smue aku kene ajar per? Ckp la kat die yg kau syg die...'
Lagi satu punyer bengz. MACAM MANE AKU NAK CKP KLAU DIE 'COLD' KAT AKU?? Mulot ni mcm kene locked gitu. Kau mane tau ni smue. Hari tu kat dlm krete, die diiiiiiaaaam jer all the way. Aku pon takot nk bobal. *Shakes head, kalah wirid u*
Sekarang ni, aku leave everything to takdir je la ehh. Whatever will be, will be. Sometimes, i wonder, why do i hv to face all these? Why do they hv to go? Do i deserve all these? Bohong ah kalau aku ckp aku tk rindu die. Tuhan je tau ape aku tgh rase skrg. Eh, aku dh this close to saying this feelings out sey.. Pergi tanpa kata. Tersikse oi batinku. Aku nak nangis, tapi siape nak dgr suare aku yg mcm Siti ni? haizz, entah la eh.. maybe its just not the right time. Guess so. Kalau aku ade opportunity, memang aku nk ckp tapi kalau memang dh tkde jodoh, then.. i shall angkat kaki jalan.
Labels: Give me at least TEN baldi now
You could be the ONE
[ 11:52 PM ]
Yayy!! Im back here getting my friggin' ass down on my bed as im typing this.. Oh well, if u are one of my loyal readers, u might be wondering whats up with my blog..? No stories, no updates, no nothing. yeaa.. been pretty bz getting the brain to work all out on my final year project. i really put my heart & soul to it, paid really much attention to it too. Alhamdulillah. All's done. Submission over. Critic session over. Gradshow panel done! Now, will only hv to wait for the big day, Graduation Show @ Suntec & official Graduation Day @ SP (duh!) To simply cut it short, Poly's done laa ppl!! Can u like believe it??? My life has never been this great!! Whoaa!
Plan/s up next..? well, ive applied for the NTU application B.A. in Arts. Umm, keeping my fingers crossed! Wish me luck ppl. Pray! Pray! PRAY!! :) Currently, im doing a part-time job as a.. wait.. i dont really knw how to explain this particular job. lol. okay2. lets put it this way. Im taking care of kids animal rides at malls/hospital. Most of the time, i'll be taking care of the kids more than i take care of the rides coz their parents would simply chuck their children and off they go for shopping or etc. -__- Basically, thats my job. Umm, quiting soon. Thats for sure! lol. Waiting for another job as a replacement! Maybe as a part-time pre-school teacher! And agn, wish me luck ppl!
Hahahaha!! i know right...actually u guys not that interested to read watever fark i've written above kan? kan? kan? CB laa... aku tau korang laa.. nak tau climax jerr. Okay chill. Coming ni.. coming.. Alright. Here u go! Apart from projects, theres sth else that actually caught my attention and made my time really packed till i didnt hv the time of my own to blog. lol. :)
errr.. for some of you, it might not be sth new that u gonna heard from me. well, i leave it to u to judge. :) Yup! U got it right! A new found friend again. But wait, even before u start to judge, let me tell u sth. This is gonna be the last one. Really. Promise! :) Coz he is something laa ppl! hehehe. *nadia-punyer-ketawe-mentel* i bet u can imagine huh! HAHAHAHAHA!! For now, i shall name him, Mr Arab. Gonna share with u some of my story and that if u bother to read la kan..
Few mths ago (Last yr)
While i was busy dealing with my projects.. He was busy too.. busy chatting with me. I got so irritated and blocked him instead (MSN). I also hv this dirty thought at the back of mind, 'well, he is just like any other guy whose trying the best way out to so called woo me.. alaa.. all guys are the same!' and so we didnt contact for like a few weeks. I thought he'd get bored out of me. Kalau aku, pon aku boring, bile chat kat msn, pompuan(refering to myself) ni mcm nak-taknak lyn aku! Beh, out of sudden, disappear just like that, not appearing in MSN. BUT, he didnt give up. He started convo with me @ FB instead. lol. So, i thought, 'tssk! okay la. Next in the list ah'
Lepas tu kan.. we started chatting again despite me having doing my projects! lol. ooOOoo of course! Akak ni kan multi-tasker. :)
oh b4 akak luper yerr anak2, si dekni ni suke sms! suke call! tak boring2!
Then, one night.. while @ Mak's place..
My hp's beeping sound woke me up. Used to receiving important sms-es only, I grabbed my hp and sleepily pushed the keys and read the message.
"What are you up to?" .. "Im revising my test...bla bla bla.."
Knowing who the sender was, I replied the message right away and placed the phone under my pillow, I tried to go back to sleep.
I had just closed my eyes when I heard the sms tone again.
"You really slping?.. Nad..Nad.." again, the message said.
Again, without bothering to reply, I went back to my lala land..
The next day i received this... !
"hmm.. i'm just like any other guy to you..."
Mampos! Only then i realised, how much he really mean to me.. yeaa! im that bad!
He never fails to cheer me up. Never gives up in getting to know me better. Not like any other guys eh, aku tk layan for weeks/months ke, then teros gone! He tried his best to be there when i was down with projects, when i needed help in printing my panels, accompanied me thru out the nightsss just to make sure i wont fall asleep on my lappy while doing my projects. I admit. I was blind. Blind like totalleeeehh. Tsskk! So okay. I slowly began to give him a chance and tried my very best not to think bad abt him. (err.. part tu fail ehh.. lol) Kite ni pompuan eh, cnnt give in entirely. Sometimes kene jual mahal sikit. Dignity tu kene jage eh. :)
yadda .. yadda.. yadda..
till now, we are still contacting. Frankly, among all guys ive known, so far la kan, this one stayed the longest. Umm, 4 mths..? 5? cant rmber! yaa i knw right.. CB kan aku. tssk! Some used to say, 'nad, aku kasi kau 2 wks jer. Kau confirm boring.'.. 'kk, aku kasi kau 1 mth ahh..' HAHAHAHA!! mostly all said the same including my sisters. lol.
No. im not using him for sure! i aint that kinda person. puh-leaasse! Im not playing with his feelings either. sheesh! How could u even think of that?? Tskk!
Umm well, i cant possibly describe him entirely here. Uve got to knw the person himself. U've got to judge him. I like the way he is. Kite mcm blh 'click' ah. Thats all i can say for now.. AND AGAIN if u ppl wanna see us be together, i need ur prayers! hahahah!
alaaa.. i think i sounded despo gitu. No la. Personally, i think, for now, its still to early to say anything or even to promise anything. I dont wanna rush things coz im afraid things might go cocky in some ways. At the end of the day, korang2 jgk will hv the last laugh kan? kan? Nabei! haha! We've decided to take things slow. Kalau ade ehem2 jodoh.. adelah.. if not then, i dont mind. im leaving everything to fate.
Oh, i thank Him for leading me to this route! Alhamdulillah.. :)
Well, blame this person.. coz of him, ive been neglecting my baby blogger! HAHAHAH!!
You've proven me wrong.
and yes! Tak smue lelaki same!:)
one less lonely girl.. ~~
Labels: Already better than the last
nahhh..
[ 9:31 AM ]
losing interest in you. now, how?
its been like this all the while.
oh wells..
yeaaa im a bitch! so?
'entertainment' is badly needed here!
better dont 'press' the minyak!!
i can get bored that easily!
getting bored and bored even bored-er!
-____-
p/s : Beh cuak ahh? Kental ah nad!
Brani buat, brani tanggung! Padan muke kau! Slamatss!
Labels: get alife somewhere please
i want to find...
[ 4:19 PM ]
“ Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.' ...”
Labels: do u think the guy mentioned still exist?
Daddy's Girl
[ 12:31 AM ]
had a short convo with abah while having lunch..
me : (literally dancing happily towards the kitchen table. smiling all the way. sat next to abah)
abah : eleh senyom2.. i know alrdy. dah agak dah..
me : e'eh. abah tau! heeeheeee
abah : i know. lepas satu, satu eh. u dont think i dont knw. abah dah masak dgn prangai ya la
me : aiyoyoyo! magic ahh. mcm mane ni abah tau? hahahahaha!!
abah : (smiling again..)
me : bagos la kalau abah dah tau ehh. hehehe
abah : hmmm.. i knw everything. i can read ur mind. kau tak tau. kan abah yg lahirkan kau
me : -____- e'ehh kelakarnye bahh..
abah : (talking to mummy coz he knws mummy alrdy knw) this time sape pulak?
mummy : (smile ajerr..)
abah : ohhh. awak dah tau ehh. hehehe btw ya, i told u alrdy kan how to choose friends. u must be very smart in doing this. u're a girl. abah tknk ya dibodoh-bodohkan lagi. ingat... yadda yadda yadda....
Labels: best laaa.. hehehe
Its like miracle
[ 3:54 PM ]
All human beings have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them to go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out. The 'Grand' essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.What everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness. now, are you happy? i know i am.
Well, this is just the start of the game... we'll see how it goes.
to those whom alrdy knw me. u knw how diff for me to really opens up the heart and let the heart be drowned with love. u knw that its not easy to win the heart. not that i dont wanna be loved. its just that im afraid of getting hurt again. now, wats love actually? do u really knw? personally, i think love hurts. 've been making friends lately. nah.. it doesnt seem to work. no dont go there. i dont literally go desperately find them. it comes naturally. :) call me choosy, bitchy, stuck up or watever it is. i dont give a shit to all that. this is me. the way i am. therefore, i shall conclude that im just not ready in taking the risk of getting into rlsp. till? oh well, till the right one comes. :) take a chill pill man...
oh. say helo to my new friend found!
Labels: i suke
alot like love
[ 2:57 PM ]
yes! yes! its been a while since i last update this bloggy of mine. been busy. nope in fact extremely busy helping out my cuzz doing her last min wedding prep. Alhamdullillah all turned out as planned. to u nawar, welcome to our family! :) err. not much photos here. maybe u guys might wanna view my fb instead. on behalf of the newly-wed, id like to take the opportunity here to thank every1 who came down to lend their helping hand and to make the wedding ceremony a success one. to nurasikin ahmad & ahmad munawar, may Allah bless the both you. semoge berkekalan hingge ke akhir hayat. InsyaAllah. :)
feeling laa konon. lol. :))
see familiar faces?
its abah's idea btw. lol. :)
okay. its finally 2010. every1's talking abt it. New yr! New yr! must hv resolution la whatsoever. must go countdown. strip urself. wear 'biginee-s'. .. so on and so forth. err. wats soo 'hoo-haa' abt it? im darn surprised laa. those who celebrated nw yr were mostly malays. sry no offence here nor am i criticising any1 in particular. well, this is just a random thought of mine. oh well.... *speechless* anw.. some1 asked me how i celebrated my nw yr. and so i ans, 'do we hv to celebrate? is it a must?..' and he stayed mum. coz he knws the fact that its not appropriate for us muslims to celebrate. some even asked, where am i gonna celebrate? look. do u ppl even knw when is Muharram? oh, wat is Muharram? lol. well agn.. *speechless* okay. take note. id lyk to emphasize here that im not hinting or tryna discriminate any1 in particular here. and i dont wish to see my tagboard being flooded with ridiculous issues. and if u're still not happy after reading then u can just close this current window and buzz off. no. really. i really mean it. :)
well for me.. frankly, i didnt set my new yr resolution. for now, i wont. i mean wat for? but hey, do u see sth..? lol. actually i kinda hv a resolution. MY resolution is to not to hv a resolution! ok im going off track alrdy. as i was saying, i dont think i need a resolution for now coz back then, i hv everything nicely set in my mind but everything went all ruined. tsk. 've learnt my lesson. i just wanna let everything flow by itself, naturally i'd say. for now, no future plans except to further my studies. period. :) no bugging of questions pls.
course - landscape architecture is ending pretty soon. more events coming up next. grad show @ suntec followed by the official grad ceremony. wah.. time flies darn fast. and yeaa.. im twen-teen! i knw right.. very old arldy. :) and as for now, life's been pretty good for me. im enjoying every secs of my life. fully contented.
oh.oh. yeaa if u guys read my recent wall post @ fb "Why get attached and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable? oh well..HAHAHAHAHAH!!! *nad's-evil-laugh* " well.. hahaha! dont blame me. im being taught this way by those jerks out there. if they can hurt girls.. why cant me, (a girl, duh!) hurt them? revenge is sweet u knw. hahahahah!! judge me all you want. i dont give a darn. call me a bitch or watever. i like the way it is now. wait till i cant handle those lahabao's and reach maybe 15-20 of them annnnnd till mum nags abt hp bill... then i shall stop. lol. :))))
Labels: life is effing wonderful